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WAR Against the Pop-ups!

Tue, 09 Nov 2010 15:36:07 +0100

Someone must've slotted their dirty little flash drive into my USB port and left a lovely steamy deposit of piranha style virus on my PC.

Needless to say, a week later my computer was beaching itself like a sad whale giving up for no apparent reason.

My bro, being the doctor of everything that opens and shuts, beeps and clicks, took a look at my sick computer.

Drew: "Why did you turn your anti-virus off?".

Me: "What? I didn't touch the anti-virus thingy. I wouldn't even know where to find it if I did want to turn it off!"

So after much pondering I have come to the conclusion that, in a round-about way, the software I have installed is doing the damage. I'm the proud owner of Adobe's Creative Suite 4, their Adobe Acrobat Suite, their 'this' and their 'that'. As awesome as their software is, it comes with the most annoying updates! Don't the developers working at Adobe have a social life? Seriously? Almost every second day there is a pop-up asking me if I'd like to update, add on a new feature, take a special trial, allow permission for this or that to happen.

I blame YOU Adobe! Your incessant pop-ups have desensitised me to what my computer is asking me! Who knows what I've agreed to because I'm so used to clicking 'OKAY' for your pop ups.

Would you like to turn off your anti-virus software? "OKAY"

Would you like our latest data munching virus? "OKAY"

Would you like all your personal information to be displayed on the interwebz? "OKAY"

Do you mind if I use your credit card information to buy goods illegally online? "OKAY"

I declare WAR! War against the pop-ups! I call a ban on desensitisation! I'll read every word, understand every term and condition, Google every suspicious looking name, phone a friend to confirm the validity of requests!

*ponder* *ponder* Erm... mmm... you know what, a little format every six months doesn't actually sound like bad idea...

Advertisements: The good, the bad and the ugly!

Tue, 09 Nov 2010 14:32:47 +0100

Everyday there's a new company trying to convince a group of people that they need something that they've done quite well so far without.

How on earth are you supposed to choose from such an enormous range of washing powders which are only playing with a 10 to 50 cents competitive mark? I would love to see every company getting creative, being a little daring, pushing the envelope, exploring the reactions of the public and watching society blossom into a creative mess of free-flow edgeyness!

As in every field, there are the best, the worst and the just plain WRONG! Check these out:

The Good:

Printed Paper Bags:

The Bad:

Dude, when I look at this advert I imagine some Hillbilly dropping my burger in the sand before serving it to me. WTF.

The Ugly:

"Some things even we can't get out of your head"

You're laughing because you're a bad person. True Story. LOL.

10 Funny Signs

Tue, 09 Nov 2010 13:36:36 +0100

No matter how boring your job is, there is no excuse for using lame signage and posters. Every business deals with people, and people want to have a good giggle... don't let a suit or hard-hat tell you otherwise.

I came across a list of the cleverest sign boards which are posted outside different businesses. Here are my favourites:

1. Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

2. On a Septic Tank Truck: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

3. Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

4. On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

5. In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

6. On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."

7. At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place"

8. On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!".

9. In a Vets waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!".

10. In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

How to look adorable: The Panda Guide

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:49:12 +0100

Step 1: Be conceived.

Step 2: Be given birth to.

Step 3: Look like hairy, male genitalia for the first week.

Step 4: 7 days old - Grow a tiny bit bigger and develop black patches of skin in random places.

Step 5: 13 days old - Fuzz up a little and sprout black hair to match skin tone. Start to look a little cute.

Step 6: 17 days old - BAM! You're adorable!

Fat Kids: A BIG problem

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:26:12 +0100

Surely it’s the parent’s job to make sure that their homes are healthy and their children are well fed. ‘Well fed’ doesn’t mean breakfast, lunch and supper… three times a day. It means three well balanced meals throughout the day. The only balancing many overweight families know is that of their plate on their supersized tummies while operating an Xbox controller. Health fail: BIG time!

Dietician Juliette Kellow, suggests the following diet for children’s packed lunches:

Good breads to use are: wholegrain or wholemeal bread, ciabatta, mini baguettes, bagels and raisin or sun dried tomato bread.

Pasta or rice salads are better than packing sandwiches, so you should try to mix it up every so often. Try and stick to low-fat fillings like lean ham, turkey, chicken, tuna, cottage cheese, Edam or banana for putting on sandwiches and go easy on the butter, mayo and spreads.

Add two portions of fruit to any lunch box and instead of cakes, biscuits and chocolate, opt for scones, fruit bread or low-sugar cereal bars.

This is my plea: Parents, love your children enough to feed them healthy food. Fat kids may be harder to kidnap, but they stand little chance at successfully running away from bullies.

Ctrl C + Ctrl V = LOL

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:20:04 +0100

Over the past two decades, a desktop computer, the internet, social media and cellphones have weaseled their way into our everyday lives. Nine to five no longer consists of rustling papers around one’s desk, tapping away on a calculator and doodling when ‘bored’ *cough* procrastination *cough*.

Long lunches are now spent at desks, noses smudging the computer screen while scanning Facebook News Feeds.

Technology. Our daily functioning is affected by it. The way we plan, communication and organise has changed because of new technologies. Even the way we speak has changed! From the prissy 1800’s dialogue to the cool 1990’s lingo, language has evolved. There is a natural pace of language evolution; change which is to be expected and embraced.

Years ago, acquaintances addressed each other curtly : “Top of the morning to you Madam”, whereas nowadays it’s no shock to receive a “Wassup Biatch” from a familiar face.

LOL here, OMG there. I <3 PR (love public relations), I h8 broccoli (I hate broccoli), I lyk 8-) (I like sunglasses). We are in a creative communication phase. Social media and online communication have breathed life into ‘leet speak’ (an alternative to the normal English alphabet).

As much as I enjoy the energy leet speak brings to an online conversation, I sincerely hope that a new generation of communicators don’t let the leet speak lingo bulldozer over the beautifully traditional English language we know, and Oxford Dictionaries make their money from.

The technological trend has reached every corner of our existence. I just feel sorry for the children of new-age parents:

It Wasn't Me!

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:15:52 +0100

Next time you’re tempted to tell a little white lie, just remember that there is always a trail of evidence leading to the big hand of truth pointing its big fat finger at you.

Mom: “Dalene, who ate the last cookie and didn’t refill the jar?”

Dalene: “Erm, I dunno hey! I think it must’ve been Drew” (note the famous ‘blame it on the sibling technique’ – usually quite effective).

Mom: “Oh, okay, I see. Well, once you’ve brushed the crumbs off your jersey, will you go call him for me?”

#FAIL

I'd say this little pooch has got crumbs on his jersey!

Living the Fairytale

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:11:00 +0100

I used to run around my house with long pieces of material covering my hair; pretending I was a princess with long flowing locks. Cute for a seven-year-old, not so cute for a 13-year-old.

Ariel, Cinderella, Belle, Sleeping Beauty – I pretended to be them all. Putting on an American accent and striding around in those plastic little princess shoes you can now buy for R24.99 at Shoprite. I was a little madam that believed in a world of colour and happy endings. My imagination gave me imaginary friends (usually animals) who made me the most beautiful dresses and a prince (handsome as gosh) who always came to rescue me from baddies. What a world!

As we grow older we slowly leave our games of fantasy behind and eagerly step our way into the real world. A cruel world. The day your first pet dies, the day you feel the first tinge of insecurity about your body, the day you find out that Father Christmas isn’t real, you realise that not every story has a happy ending.

As the cliché goes: Every cloud has a sliver lining. Indeed it does. Through all the sadness in the world, if you manage to keep a positive attitude you can go through life with energetic, child-like appreciation for the little things, where your friends and prince charming tackle the world with you, one happy day at a time.

_ Not every story has have a happy ending _

Barbie:

Belle (Beauty and the Beast):

Cinderella:

Little Red Riding Hood:

Sleeping Beauty:

Snow White:

Spiderman:

Tweety:

The Little Mermaid:

The AYOBA List!

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:01:09 +0100

Things Ayoba:

Finding ten bucks in your pocket, you didn’t know you had.
High-fiving your friend when you find out you’ve unawares arrived at the pub at Happy Hour.
Losing a dress size and gaining confidence.
Being able to sleep in on a Saturday morning.
Seeing your nemesis gain 10 kilograms (*queue evil laugh*).

Things Not Ayoba:

Sitting on Santa’s lap and feeling his candy cane poking into your leg.

Realising that you’ve been walking around with toilet paper stuck to your shoe.

Realising that wasn’t a raisin in your muffin.

Having a vuvuzela blown in your ear.

Spending the night in jail after lodging a vuvuzela up a stranger’s Netherlands.

Rock Journalism - Disecting the Quote

Sun, 08 Aug 2010 13:28:03 +0100

“Rock journalism is people who can’t write interviewing people who can’t talk for people who can’t read” – Frank Zappa.

“Rock journalism is people who can’t write…” Its not that they can’t write, it’s just that it is a waste of time to write about something that doesn’t really matter. Unless you’re exposing great evils of the earth to society in the name of public interest, can you really call yourself a journalist? Ozzy’s insights into his latest drug binge getting front page over a political scandal piece? I don’t think so.

“…interviewing people who can’t talk…” Yes. Rock culture is riddled with drugged up musicians who don’t know their ass from their elbow. Slurring, screaming and fiery passion are hyped up by their narcotic haze.

Top 10 Delinquent Rockers:

Axl Rose – Guns and Roses

Saul Hudson (Slash) – Guns and Roses

Ozzy Osbourne – Black Sabbath

Alice Cooper

Iggy Pop

Richie Sambora – Bon Jovi

Keith Richards – Rolling Stones

Mick Jagger – Rolling Stones

Angus Young - ACDC

Zakk Wylde – Black Sabbath

“…for people who can’t read…” Enjoying rock doesn’t mean you have to be able to read. All you need is a pair of ears and a lust for head banging, jumping around, soul jamming awesomeness. Experiencing rock ‘n roll means watching crazy-ass rockers swear, break guitars and vomit while they strum, beat and yell. Who needs rock journalists? If you’re a slave to music an A4 1000 word write up isn’t going to tickle your fancy unless it ends with you getting a VIP backstage pass.

Rock journalists are just groupies trying to make a living.