What exactly does 'the sound of one hand clapping' sound like? I imagine it to be something like this:

Smack. "Ouch".

There are many differentiations - pretty much any sound made by a hand connecting loudly with someone's face... and then, of course, the yelp of pain coming from the slapee*.

*Daleneville Dictionary Definition: ‘slapee’ (noun) the person on the receiving end of a slap.

As you can see by the above slapee reaction (ouch), getting a swift visit to the face from someone’s jar openers isn’t the most pleasant experience. To help prevent this uncomfortable occurrence I’ve compiled a list of Don’ts to help you stop annoying people to the point of violence.


  1. Prolong class by asking the most inane questions.

  2. Eat with your mouth open.

  3. Ask people what gender they are.

  4. Start each meal by noticeably licking all your food, and announcing that it’s so no one will take any food off your plate.

  5. Shout random numbers when someone is counting.

  6. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

  7. Ask someone if they put deodorant on in the morning.

  8. Learn "Ice Ice Baby" off by heart and recite it all the time.

  9. Throw stones at people walking past your house.

  10. Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.

In case you choose not to take my advice, here’s a little preview for what is awaiting you.

The slapee probably just delivered a really bad Yo’ Mamma joke.

Someone stole kitty’s catnip.

Some people aren’t ‘morning people’. Beware.

Looks like someone supports Bush.

Don’t piss him off. No one survives. Ever.