Welcome to Shoprite!  In our isles you’ll find all the top brand products at the lowest prices! Don’t worry about our dirty shelves and broken pickle jars on the floor... we’re cheap!

It’s 4pm and I need to do some last minute shopping for dinner before my bestie comes over in an hour. Out of pure desperation I go to the nearest grocery store. Shoprite.

Fifteen minutes later, basket full of groceries, I approach Teller no 4. My  size 46, ‘mama’ cashier miserably  unpacks my groceries; I wonder if she missed Isidingo last night or something. I present my debit card. Swipe. Pin. She presents my slip for signing.

I immediately scan the area for sign of a pen. There is none. What’s she going to do? What’s her plan? Then, as if in slow motion I see the plan unfold. The question isn’t what is her plan... the question is WHERE is her plan!

I watch as per chubby brown fingers delve into the neck of her blue shirt and land, rummaging, somewhere in her double D bra . *rustle* *rustle*. She lifts her arm for increased mobility.

What else has she got in there? Money?, cellphone?, a copy of Drum Magazine and a half-eaten sandwich? My eyes as wide as saucers, Teller no 4 hands me The Pen. I hesitate, but politely take The Pen from her.

As I feel the warm pen resting in my hand, I throw up in my mouth a little. One big squiggle and it’s all over. I return the pen to the curvy giant and she tucks it back safely into the depths of her bosom where it waits silently for its next victim.

I take my shopping bag and go home feeling violated and dirty. Welcome to Shoprite.