Every week I mission over to my best friend Jay’s house and we attempt to make food. Cook food. Prepare food that doesn’t involve just adding hot water or popping in the micro for 10 – 15 minutes.

Neither of us is even the slightest bit Gordon Ramsey. In fact, the closest we get to culinary awesomeness is that I have an arse like Nigella and Jay has George Foreman biceps.

So last night we opened a bottle of Thomas Kipling dry red (delicious by the way), and embarked on our garlic-crumbed-chicken-and-gem-squash-filled-with-sweetcorn-and-mozzarella-centre making mission. Wow that sounds gross. It wasn’t.

First on the list to prepare: gem squash. Oh gem squash, gem squash, you sneaky little solid vegetable you. You sit there on the chopping board looking all innocent and green until someone pulls out a knife and tries to cut you in half. Trying to cut a squash is like trying to peel a potato with a library card. Nearly IMPOSSIBLE! While Jay hacked away at the gem squash I anxiously hopped around the kitchen certain that he was going to chop off his thumb. Eventually he managed to crack the thing open: all fingers still attached. Good job!

Using an old-school cook book we opted to follow the microwave instructions on how to prepare the gem squash. 15 minutes on high, turn them over half way through. Simple right? Yeah right! They came out looking like they’d spent the day lying in the sun. *Poke poke* - As shrivelled as they were, the inside was still pretty soft, so we soldiered on.

Then came the time to make the garlic spiced bread crumbs to cover the chicken fillets. We crunched the cracker bread, stirred in garlic, added spices. “That doesn’t look like enough crumbs.”. We gathered more ingredients and repeated the process. “These crumbs are too moist to coat the chicken properly.”. We turned on the grill and dried the crumbs out. “These crumbs look a little burnt!”. We used them anyway.

After a relatively smooth pan frying experience, the chicken was cooked, the gem squash was stuffed (with sweetcorn, not regret) and we settled down in front of The Lord of the Rings – The Two Towers.

Dark brown chicken, luke warm sweetcorn and a glass of mis-matched red has never tasted so good!

Another night. Another cooking adventure. Another movie Jay didn’t see the end of. Zzzzzz.